I woke up this morning and then I checked my Twitter. A friend of mine said that the result for our last posting were out. I was nervous and shivered down my spine. The cold and fresh air of morning breeze plus the palpitation that I had were not a really good combination. I opened my laptop and log in through the e-klas.
I was stunned. I felt that the clock was stopped ticking that moment. I couldn't say anything. Yet, I didn't feel anything. Sad? Angry? I didn't know. My heart was hardened. Like a rock.
I didn't cry. Well, I tried to but I knew it was just a fake because I did not feel any guilty, sad or disappointed.
Why was I like this? Was it normal? Was this one of the stages of grief?
I knew from the beginning that medicine wasn't my forte yet I was so arrogant. I did not pull much effort. I was a very pompous person who thought that I could kill it at the last minute. Hell, no! Medicine won't work that way.
Plus, my heart has darkened. Yeah, my soul was dark. Full of sins. Maybe that's why I hardly understand what I learnt? Maybe because my relationship with The Almighty wasn't good enough?
I took a step back and reflected myself. What had gone wrong?
Note: I wrote this post on 4th June 2016, the day I got my result for Medicine posting. I decided not to publish it and kept it for a while in my draft box because I did not want my friends to know about it. But the truth is, I was actually ashamed of myself. If one asked me is it hurt? Hell, yes.
And if you are wondering, why am I putting this up now? Well I guess that sometime you need to open up a little bit, so that you won't suffered much because of the things you choose to keep inside by your own.