Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Looking Glass 2.0

I had posted a post with the same title (Looking Glass) hence I decided to put on 2.0 at the back-- so here's the 2.0 version. 

The previous post was just about the lyrics (Looking Glass by Native Deen) and how I was touched with it. And this morning when I was listening to it again during breakfast, it hit me really hard. 

I still remembered that I was very touched when I first listened to the song. It seemed like it was specifically directed to me. And now, the feelings came back again.

For the past few months, I was not into myself. I had this kind of feeling that I had never felt it before. I was very far from Him. I had done so many sins that outweighed the sea. I was ashamed to myself and most importantly, Allah. 

I pray to Allah so that He could forgive me. 
I pray to Allah so that He could lead me to straight path.
I pray to Allah so that I could be a better Muslimah.
I pray to Allah so that He could increase my iman.
I pray to Allah so that I would always be blessed Him.


without wax,
haniyahaya :)

Friday, April 17, 2015

Where is my car key?

Last Wednesday, I went to the psychiatric ward in HSB. The ward wasn't in the main hospital building but at PKKN. To make the long story short, after I had clerked the patient in the ward I quickly rushed to go to the main hospital as I was worried that I might be late for my BST (bed-side teaching).

Suddenly when I wanted to unlock my car, I realized that my car key was gone! I was 100% sure that I had locked my car and put the key into my lab coat pocket but when I was searching for wasn't there!

I was very worried because the car key had the car plate number on it and if people had found it, they could drive my car away easily! How bad was that?!

I went to the ward again and tried to look for it at there but I had found nothing. I tried to follow back the track that I used to walk to the ward but car key was nowhere to be found!

I tried to calm myself but my thoughts were racing about the classes, the tutorials that we needed to prepare, case write up, arranging the BST session with the specialist and last but not least my lost car key! I felt so exhausted!

After the BST session ended I went again to look up for my car key but the search went nothing. I went to meet the security guard there to ask her if she had found my car key or someone else who found it and gave it to her but!

Since we had class in HTAR that evening, I was thinking on how would we going back? Arina did not drive because this week was supposed to be my turn (we were car-pooling btw). We then decided to take a taxi to Shah Alam so that Arina could drive us to HTAR. Alhamdulillah, we then met our 2 of our classmates who were in Radiology postings and they were very kind to give us a ride to Shah Alam since they were going to have class in MSU later that evening. We were very relieved. Pheww! Well at least we hadn't need to spend our money on taxi!

Later after the class at HTAR ended, I went to HSB to pick up my car with my dad using the spare key which he took it in Bangi. I was kinda afraid my dad would be angry at me. First, the accident. Now, the car key had lost. What's next?

The next day, I received a call from that security guard. She told me that my car key was finally found. She didn't tell me the details how she had found it but she asked to come to HSB on the next Monday (since she would be leaving to go back to her hometown).


Well, I felt so down because of what happened. The accident and this things came out. I hoped that there would never be the next one. Naudzubillah.

Big thanks to Arina and Faqir who had helped me all the way in the mission of SAR of my car key. May Allah bless! :)

without wax,
haniyahaya :) 

p/s: Please forgive my grammar and the whole structure of my post. I just finished my CWU (tulah buat last minute lagi!) and my mind wasn't that good enough to write a very lengthy essay.

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Jihad al-Nafs

Last two weeks were a major turn on and stressful weeks for me. Alhamdulillah, I'm following a good pace now (and I'm still trying hard to follow the rhythm and to get back on track). 

Nevertheless, I just wanted to share with you a good ayah from the Quran that I had recited just now. It gave me something to ponder. 

Source : haniyahaya

"Or do you think that you will enter Paradise while Allah has not yet made evident those of you who fight in His cause and made evident those who are steadfast?" 
[Ali-Imran 3:142]

It made me realize that those things that happened to me were the tests from Him; whether I realized it or not. Frankly speaking, I felt that I was far from Him. And those tests were just right for me so that I won't be too far from Him, I won't be so much ashtray and away from Him, so that it would make me stronger and a better Mukmin. I knew that I hadn't felt so much content when I prayed and did all those good deeds. It just felt like nothing. I was heartless. I didn't have that kind of eager in me to do the right and good deeds. 

May Allah guide and help me to the righteous path. 

Ya muqallib al-qulub, thabbit qalbi ‘ala dinik
O turner of the hearts, make my heart firm upon your religion.

without wax,
haniyahaya :)

Saturday, April 4, 2015

Acute Stress Disorder?

I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I'm only human. I may look like I'm though but the inside of me is killing me.

With this new posting, I need some adjustment and time to cope with it. I hate to say this but I am very stress out because all of these are new to me. I don't know how to take the history of the patient, I don't know how to do the mental state examination and every time I tried to read the textbook, my concentration was blown away. I couldn't even concentrate even for freaking 10 minutes!

In addition of what had happened to me this week (refer to my post - Accident), I guessed it had dragged my emotion up to the new level. I hadn't been so much stressful in my life. Even writing a thesis wasn't as much stressful like this! Previously I thought that I'm good with coping with stress and all that; even when I did the DAS questionnaire before I was fully aware that being as a medical student, I wasn't under a stressful condition. Unfortunately I was wrong. 

There's one time I thought of consulting a psychiatrist since I'm currently in Psychiatry posting but meh.. I believed that I could handle this. It is just a matter of time.

without wax,
haniyahaya :)

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

EOP : Primary Care

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh and good evening.

Actually I wanted to write this ever since I had finished the exam last two weeks, but I hadn't got a chance and time to do it. (Let's just say that I'm too lazy to write about it) *Sigh*

So I had just finished my Primary Care posting. Honestly, this posting was my favourite so far for this year! I learnt lots of things from this posting; starting from the proper history taking, to consultation and even breaking the bad news. They were so cool! I mean, it wasn't that we hadn't learnt how to take proper history before in our 3rd year but then it was just filling the form, just asked the patients without knowing what important questions to be asked in order to reach the diagnosis and ruled out the differential diagnosis.

So basically for this exam, we had 2 OSCE stations. For OSCE 1, we were asked to clerk the history. It was a follow-up case of Bronchial Asthma and also Allergic Rhinitis. But the allergic rhinitis didn't even cross my mind! Of course I had asked him about his history but then I thought it was URTI! Hmphhh..

As for OSCE 2, we had a Pap Smear station where we needed to perform it on the mannequin. Although I hadn't done as much as I expected it to be but I hoped I passed the exam. I didn't want to repeat this posting! 


Last week, we got to know our result for our first rotation for this year. I managed to get:

Forensic Medicine : A-
Ophthalmology : A-

I was like.. B? But I guessed I truly deserved it. I cannot answer much about the frequency and all that. In the other hand, Alhamdulillah.. I was glad I had passed those three postings :) 

So that's all from me. Till we meet again!

without wax,
haniyahaya :)


Maghrib tadi usai pulang dari usrah, saya accident. Saya otw balik dari universiti. Masa tu pun dah nak dekat maghrib. It happened at Section 14. Kat traffic light yang nak ke arah SACC, dekat-dekat nak ke pejabat pos tu tak silap. Gelap dan hujan jadi memang tak berapa nak cam sangat plus jalan jammed tadi. Saya kat lane kanan sekali. Kereta tu kat lane kedua, tapi nak masuk simpang. Dia dah bagi signal. Saya masa tu nak straight, tapi macam teragak-agak. Ingat boleh la straight, tapi bam! Kena langgar. Masa tu cuak la jugak pastu tak fikir apa. Just fikir macam mana nak breaking the bad news to ayahanda dan bonda di rumah. 

Alhamdulillah takde siapa yang cedera. Kereta je lah yang cedera. Kereta saya sebenarnya baru je rasmi 2 weeks. Sedih juga lah kan. Mileage baru sampai 400 km. Tapi benda nak jadi.. Kereta saya yang belah passenger kat bahagian depan tu je lah kemek ke dalam. So pintu belah passenger tu takleh buka. Calar pun ada lah jugak. 

Kereta yang saya berlanggar tu kereta Kelisa. Dia punya calar boleh tahan teruk dan kena ketuk lah jugak. Pintu belah driver dia tu pun bila bukak ada bunyi.

Ironinya, saya accident ni dengan lecturer yang sama tempat saya belajar. Nasib fakulti lain. Alhamdulillah dia pun ok je nak settle kat luar without lodge police report. 

Long story short, apa yang saya dapat after accident ni, saya kena jadi pemandu yang berhemah di masa akan datang. And not too forget I think it was apart of my punishment from Allah. Sebabnya tada sekarang ni macam futur. Rasa jauh sangat dari Tuhan. Memang lah benda wajib tu ada buat, benda sunat tu pun ada juga buat kadang-kadang tapi apa yang saya perasan, hati tu tak rasa pun nikmat beribadah. Rasa makin jauh je dengan Tuhan. 

And yeah, I have told my mom. The moment I just told my intro, "Orang ada berita buruk ni.." 

And my mom quickly asked me," Kenapa? Kau langgar orang?"

I was like.. Dang! My mom truly hit me on the spot! Sepertinya bonda tidak marah namun apa yang dirisaukan kini reaksi ayahanda. Moga ayahanda berlembut hati. Saya sanggup bayar ganti rugi walaupun terpaksa mengorbankan duit elaun MARA bulan ini. 

So that's all for today. I need to be off soon since we'll be having class for tomorrow. 

Till then.

without wax,
haniyahaya :)