Monday, January 20, 2014

The battle of myself

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. 
It's been 4 weeks since I entered the Internal Medicine posting but I didn't why I didn't feel excited as Paediatrics posting. Frankly speaking, I preferred Paediatrics rather than Internal Medicine. Maybe because of Paediatrics was more fun and exciting. Don't get me wrong. Internal Medicine was fun because you would learn vast area of diseases. It was challenging and exciting too. You had to know all those signs and symptoms and made diagnosis based on your history taking and physical examinations. But I didn't know why I felt that way. Haih -_-
I shouldn't feel that way!
Internal medicine ward was one of the most hectic ward I must say. I could say that every day the ward would be full house; and sometimes the patients even need to be placed along the way that separates the cubicle, or even at the corridor. 
It was good because we could learn different kinds of diseases; Acute Coronary Syndrome (ACS), Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Diseases (COPD), Dengue Fever and the list went on and on.
But still I didn't know why I felt this way. I felt so lazy to clerk the patients and study. And seriously, this kind of feeling was killing me off. I felt such a dumbass and I truly hate it!

My hypothesis of why I became like this: my heart wasn't sincere enough. I didn't put so much efforts to learn medicine. I think it has been blacken due to so many wrongdoings that I did. 
So I think I need to set my niah (intention) right. Why I want to be a doctor?

without wax, 
haniyahaya :)